Warning: this is a very long post. But then, it was a very long weekend.<\/p>\n
I spent this past weekend down in Discovery Bay with my buddy, Dave. His wife was out of town, so it was time to cut loose and party. This only happens once a year, and I didn\u0092t want to miss it.<\/p>\n
I drove down early on Friday afternoon, down through the Sacramento River Valley, past Sacramento, and down into the delta region where the Sacramento and San Joaquin rivers meet and dump into the San Francisco Bay. Being the month of June it was damn hot\u009797 degrees at noon. My truck doesn\u0092t have air conditioning so I had to suffer with the windows rolled down and a gallon of water at my side. It took me about two and a half hours to make the trip.<\/p>\n
Discovery Bay has exploded in the past couple years. I remember teasing a friend for living there years ago\u0097there\u0092s nothing out there\u0097was nothing, I should say. Now it\u0092s the new hotspot for young, married professionals. It reminds me a bit of Irvine, ten years ago. There are housing developments and tract homes everywhere, with smatterings of corn fields and orchards here and there. Houses are much cheaper than the Bay Area in Discovery Bay. Dave paid $300k for a two-storey, 4 bedroom, 3 bath, 3 car garage bit o\u0092 real estate last year. He just had it appraised for a little under $400k. The market is hot.<\/p>\n
Anyway, Dave loves it out there. Everything in his neck of the woods is brand new. There are no renters, and no apartments or condos. There are tons of families, and couples ready to start families. I know that this area is not for me.<\/p>\n
I learned a thing or two this weekend about the guy I\u0092ve called my best friend for 20 years now. We have pretty different tastes in living arrangements. Dave is happy to live in suburbia, while I would wither and die in such a place. I need to be close to downtown. I need to be able to walk to bars and socialize. I was very happy to live in Belmont Shore for years in Long Beach. I love where I currently live, close to downtown Chico, and soon I may move to downtown Davis when I start work with the railroad.<\/p>\n
I also came to realize this weekend that Dave and his wife are going to make it. He really does love his wife, and their life together. It was rocky at first, but now, three years later, they seem to have settled into a comfortable cohabitation devoid of passion. They love their careers and the money they make, and most of all, they love their expensive things.<\/p>\n
They are constantly upgrading vehicles\u0097Dave has a brand new Ford F-150 and Kaulana has a new convertible Beetle. Dave has a HUGE widescreen TV in the living room\u009770 inches\u0097with surround sound 7.1 speakers and all the fixin\u0092s. Their entire house is decorated in a sort of hybrid Oriental-Hawaiian style, replete with Tatami mats, Hawaiian knick-knacks, and faux-palm trees. Their latest upgrade is a 100 gallon salt-water aquarium full of authentic Hawaiian fishes. They even have an eel\u0097Dave feeds him krill with chopsticks.<\/p>\n
It\u0092s an awesome pad, I\u0092ll give him that. It\u0092s VERY comfortable. We swam in his pool in the afternoon, BBQed steaks in the evening, and soaked in his hot tub. We sat on the most comfortable couch in history all Friday night, watching movies, drinking beer, and \u0093talking story\u0094. The Matrix never looked so good, or sounded so good. His home theater is awesome. I must say that I was quite jealous of his setup. I can see why he doesn\u0092t feel the need to go out.<\/p>\n
We stayed up until 7am Friday night. I managed to get about 2 hours of sleep.<\/p>\n
At 9:30am I awoke to Dave kicking the bed and yelling, \u0093Get up! Get the FUCK up, dude! We got shit to do!\u0094<\/p>\n
I cracked open a crusty eye to see Dave. He\u0092s got some flip flops and surfer shorts on, a tank top and his favorite cowboy hat. He\u0092s holding two Coors Lights (one for me). He\u0092s got a fat knot of Copenhagen in his lip. He\u0092s swaying slightly. I know he\u0092s still a little drunk from last night and so am I. I know it\u0092s going to be a long day.<\/p>\n
I drag my tired, worthless, drunk ass into the bathroom and take a quick shower. I finish my beer and crack open another. I can feel my headache disappearing. Hair o\u0092 the dog works. Seriously.<\/p>\n
\u0093Come on dude, I\u0092m taking your ass to lunch! I know this spot down by the river, let\u0092s go!\u0094<\/p>\n
Sweet, Dave\u0092s taking me to lunch? I don\u0092t think he\u0092s ever paid for me in his life. I\u0092m shocked.<\/p>\n
We drive around the corner, literally. We could have walked. I shake my head. Dave has to be the laziest jackass I\u0092ve ever known. The place we go to is a nice little pub that looks like its been there for 100 years. There is a bar and a dining room, a dance floor and a deck sitting up on pylons over the delta. We sit outside.<\/p>\n
After lunch we sit in the sun and pound beers. We\u0092re starting to get a little crazy and loud. There are families with kids trying to have a nice lunch, and here we are\u0097two drunk jackasses being obnoxious.<\/p>\n
Then we start with the \u0093You ain\u0092t no joke you\u0085\u0094 crap. This little game is usually just meant to make each other laugh, we don\u0092t actually DO the stuff we propose. Except today\u0085<\/p>\n
\u0093You ain\u0092t no joke you pound that beer!\u0094 It was a huge schooner of beer, probably 36 ounces. Fuck it! I pound it.<\/p>\n
\u0093Your turn, pussy!\u0094 Dave chugs his.<\/p>\n
This crap goes on for a bit and then I say to Dave:<\/p>\n
\u0093You ain\u0092t no joke you jump off this deck into the delta!\u0094<\/p>\n
Dave gets this sideways, wicked grin on his face. Oh shit, he\u0092s going to do it. He takes off his shirt, hands me his cowboy hat, stands up on the railing, and jumps.<\/p>\n
Oh my fucking shitbirds, stars and gardens. Did he really do it? I\u0092m in shock. I look up and everyone is at the railing, looking over at Dave. I stand up and look down at Dave\u0097the jump was about 15 feet.<\/p>\n
I start laughing my ass off. The water was very shallow. It\u0092s only up to his chest.<\/p>\n
\u0093Tom! Dude! Help me! I\u0092m stuck in the mud! I can\u0092t get my feet out!\u0094 Dave yells up at me.<\/p>\n
So what do I do? The brainiac, Tom Bissell, jumps off the railing into the water to help his friend Dave. If nothing else, I\u0092m loyal.<\/p>\n
OK, now we\u0092re both stuck. Rhodes scholars, I tell ya\u0085 I dive down and manage to dig a foot out. A few minutes later we\u0092re unstuck, and trying to get out of the water. I\u0092ve lost both my flip flops, Dave only has one. God dammit I\u0092ve lost my shoes again. Well maybe not exactly lost them\u0097I know where they are. We climb up the bank and go back to the entrance.<\/p>\n
We\u0092re both soaking wet and muddy. We try to walk back out to the deck, but the bartender stops us.<\/p>\n
\u0093Hey, whoa! You guys can\u0092t go out there like that.\u0094<\/p>\n
Then our waitress shows up.<\/p>\n
\u0093No, it\u0092s OK. These were the guys.\u0094<\/p>\n
We head out to the deck and take our seats. Everyone outside is standing and cheering and clapping. We feel like a couple of celebrities. We have another round of beers (on the house) and dry off in the sun, then we head back to Dave\u0092s house.<\/p>\n
At this point all I want to do is get cleaned up and take a nap, but NO! Dave has invited all our friends over for a Texas hold\u0092em tournament. We have to go pick up the keg, set things up, and get ready for the party. I suck it up and just do what needs to be done.<\/p>\n
Around 3pm we\u0092re done with our chores so it\u0092s time for a swim. We hang out at the pool for a few hours and drink. Dave\u0092s father shows up and joins us. I\u0092m starting to feel a little\u0085 hot. I\u0092ve been in the sun for hours without sunscreen. Shit. My drunk, stupid ass. I\u0092m going to blister, I know it.<\/p>\n
[UPDATE: Yes, my shoulders are blistering.]<\/p>\n
More guests arrive. We BBQ again, tap the keg, and bullshit. By 7pm we\u0092ve got 10 guys ready to play. 10 x $40 \u0085 this is going to be a fat pot o\u0092 gold. First place takes $300 home. I\u0092m starting to worry that I\u0092ve had too much to drink, and I\u0092ll be out of the tournament fast.<\/p>\n
Well I wasn\u0092t the first, but I was ONE of the first. Dave and his father were the first to go out, then another, and then me. Oh well, it\u0092s time for the hot tub.<\/p>\n
This is where everything starts to get hazy. I remember some blackjack and some shots of tequila. A few of us were out of money so we played for shots. If you lost the hand you took a shot of tequila. That was around midnight.<\/p>\n
At 6am I woke up on the floor in the kitchen. The refrigerator door was wide open. I think I was going for one last beer. I lift my head up and see Dave passed out on the floor near me. I laughed a little bit. Not too much though, my head was pounding.<\/p>\n
\u0093Dave. DAVE! Get up dude. GET UP! It\u0092s 6am.\u0094<\/p>\n
\u0093Oh fuck.\u0094<\/p>\n
\u0093Yeah, oh fuck. You have to get up dude. You have to go pick your wife up at the airport in two hours.\u0094<\/p>\n
\u0093uhhhahhnmmmmnnnfnfffhhuuu\u0094<\/p>\n
\u0093Get up dude!\u0094<\/p>\n
Dave finally gets up and goes upstairs to shower. The house is a mess. Ted\u0092s father is passed out on the couch. Dave\u0092s father is passed out in the recliner in the garage. Music is blaring, all windows and doors are open, shit is everywhere.<\/p>\n
Kaulana will not be pleased.<\/p>\n
I rally the troops and we make our best effort to clean the house. I start the coffee. Dave\u0092s dad starts the vacuum. Ted and Frank pick up all the beer cans and bottles. By the time Dave comes downstairs the house is spotless. He is amazed we were able to clean up so quickly.<\/p>\n
Dave and Ted\u0092s fathers laugh that they\u0092ve been doing this for over 40 years. The two old coots sit down to have coffee with the younguns, and share their war stories.<\/p>\n
After breakfast I pack up my things and drive back to Chico. All I can think about is going to sleep. Somehow I make it back without incident. It\u0092s noon.<\/p>\n
I throw my shit down, crank up the AC, and get in bed. I sleep until 10pm.<\/p>\n
So now my sleeping schedule is all fucked up. I slept all day Monday. Right now it\u0092s almost 2:30am and I\u0092m wide awake. I know I\u0092ll be up past noon tomorrow. Maybe I should just stay up and try to go to bed at a normal hour on Tuesday night?<\/p>\n
Ahhhh me\u0085 life sure is a funny thing, you know?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Warning: this is a very long post. But then, it was a very long weekend. I spent this past weekend down in Discovery Bay with my buddy, Dave. His wife was out of town, so it was time to cut loose and party. This only happens once a year, and I didn\u0092t want to miss […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-132","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-drunkstories"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paF8Q-28","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=132"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/132\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=132"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=132"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=132"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}