I\u0092ve been walking around in a weird sort of funk the past couple days. I feel different. Things that should be old and familiar look foreign to me now. It\u0092s not a happy excited feeling. It\u0092s a melancholy on-the-verge-of-tears feeling. I don\u0092t know how else to explain it.<\/p>\n
After the graduation ceremony on Sunday I came back to my little studio apartment. I only had a few minutes to drop some stuff off before heading out the door for the family BBQ at Becky\u0092s house. I placed my graduation stuff\u0097cap, tassel, stole, program\u0097on the counter and hurried back out the door.<\/p>\n
I haven\u0092t touched the stuff since, I\u0092m afraid to. I\u0092m afraid that somehow, maybe if I do<\/b> touch it, it won\u0092t be real, like it will POOF! turn to dust. Like this whole graduation thing was just a hallucination. I\u0092m afraid if I move my effects it will trigger a range of emotions and thoughts I\u0092m not yet ready to deal with. And so I try to think about something else, and look away.<\/p>\n
Yesterday afternoon I woke up at 2:30pm, having slept for close to 18 hours. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. I got cleaned up and walked downtown to see what was going on. As I walked past all the fraternity and sorority houses I saw countless pickups and Uhauls packed to the gills, moving people out of town. The parties were over. The bars were empty. Nobody was outside on their porch drinking beer. Nobody was tanning on their lawn. Nobody was playing frisbee in the streets. Chico was a ghost town. When I got downtown the scene was repeated. This place has emptied out.<\/p>\n
I don\u0092t know why it\u0092s such a shock to me. I\u0092ve spent the last two summers in Chico. I know everybody leaves right after final exams. It never bothered me before; in fact I looked forward to it. I liked the nice, quiet summers where I could hang out with the locals and the students who loved Chico as much as I do and stayed year round.<\/p>\n
But it made me sad. I shouldn\u0092t be so sad, you know? I should be overjoyed, excited. I just graduated from college! Considering my history this is a monumental achievement. So why do I feel this way?<\/p>\n
I\u0092m sad for all the friends that I\u0092m leaving behind. There are sooo many people that I know I\u0092ll never see or talk to again. I\u0092m sad for leaving this special place. I have a lot of great memories of Chico; ones that I\u0092ll treasure forever.<\/p>\n
There\u0092s also an element of the unknown that\u0092s bothering me. I\u0092m stuck in limbo right now. I really want this railroad job; I\u0092m ready to start today. But they won\u0092t be calling me until October. So I\u0092ve got to sit around for the next four months, waiting.<\/p>\n
I need to get out of this town. I keep telling myself, \u0093You can\u0092t stay in Chico. You can\u0092t stay in Chico.\u0094 I don\u0092t want to get stuck here. I can\u0092t keep hanging out with these kids. I\u0092m 32 years old, not 22. I need to be around people my own age. I also know there is no progress to be made for me here. If I stay I\u0092ll end up living in studios and making crappy wages the rest of my life. There is no future for me in Chico.<\/p>\n
So I guess it\u0092s that realization that makes me so sad. Chico is a great town and a wonderful place. I\u0092ve had more fun here that I have had in years. I\u0092ve made some great friends and had some awesome experiences. But I can\u0092t stay; I have to leave.<\/p>\n
And so that\u0092s it. That\u0092s all I have to say.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I\u0092ve been walking around in a weird sort of funk the past couple days. I feel different. Things that should be old and familiar look foreign to me now. It\u0092s not a happy excited feeling. It\u0092s a melancholy on-the-verge-of-tears feeling. I don\u0092t know how else to explain it. After the graduation ceremony on Sunday I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_crdt_document":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-121","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-musings"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/paF8Q-1X","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=121"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/121\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=121"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=121"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.teebiss.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=121"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}