Lesson 1: Learn how to count your days

You may think you know how to count, and you may think you know how to count down the days until you get X, but you would be wrong. Very, very wrong.

For example:

If today is Monday, and your only day off this week is Thursday, forget what you think you know. By Visayan reckoning, you only have 1 more day until your three days off.

Let me explain.

So today’s Monday, right? Well that day doesn’t count. And Tuesday is practically already over with. So that leaves just one more day, Wednesday. Makes sense, right?

And when you get off work on Wednesday, well, that’s still a day, right? And you still have some free time on that day, right? So Wednesday counts as a day. And then you’ve got all day Thursday. And since you don’t have to go to work until 2pm on Friday, well, that day’s practically almost over with, so that counts as your third day off.

Next example:

If what you’re counting involves work, only count Mon-Fri, since those are “working days”. So right now I’m waiting to submit a form for something at work, and I have to wait until Monday 27 August 2007, and today is Monday 20 August 2007. By Visayan counting, that’s only three more working days. Today doesn’t count, of course. And tomorrow doesn’t count since we’re practically already there already.

I’m still struggling with this, myself. But I’ll tell you what, though–this kind of logic has helped me get through some pretty shitty weeks at work.

Is your head spinning yet? All this makes perfect sense to Miriam .

Living with a Popsicle addict can be a daunting task.

Let’s say you just bought two brand new boxes of Popsicles and you’re hankerin’ for a Lime Popsicle. Well, tough shit pal. The Popsicle Addict opened BOTH boxes on the way home, fished through all the Popsicles, and ate all the Lime ones. No soup Popsicles for you!

One night the Anonymous Mystery Popsicle Addict ate a huge pile of Popsicles on her lap. She was so cold afterward we had to turn up the heat in the apartment. In the middle of August.

And you better think twice about buying any food that might need to be frozen, like tasty pizzas or chicken or steak. Not because they are in any danger of being eaten by the Popsicle Addict, no. You see, the freezer only has so much room. And she must have enough room for the Popsicles. Popsicles take priority, you see.

It’s not so bad, I guess. I no longer have to cook for the Anonymous Mystery Popsicle Addict. Popsicles are all she eats.

Now that’s dedication.

You only need to learn 10 words. For example, “ko an” can mean *so* many things, like “thingy” or “thingamajigjig” or “that thing” or “that one”. When words fail you, simply point and say “ko an”.

When giving directions, you need only point with your puckered lips. Raising your arms or pointing with your finger is not necessary.

Entire conversations can be held with your eyebrows. Speaking is not required.

Don’t eat Dinuguan. Just. Don’t. Balut is OK, however. Halo Halo is *always* scrumptious delicious and good to eat.

When BBQ’ing meat, you don’t have to worry about cooking it just right. Just burn the !@#$ out of it. They’ll still eat it. The burnt part is the best part, after all.

Be prepared to laugh and smile a lot. Visayans love to have a good time.

If they prepare a meal for you, eat it, even if you’re not hungry. Their feelings will be very hurt if you do not.

The simple things in life are what matter most. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

To be continued…