I’m looking for some new music. So, if you would, please picture this…

It’s a sunny Sunday afternoon in late Fall and you’re taking a drive through the hilly outskirts of town. It’s a two-lane road that winds and bends through canyons and over amber-colored hills.

You’ve got the top down in your ’67 Cadillac. Your best girl is seated next to you. Her hair is flopping about in the breeze.

As you round another corner you see in the distance a run-down beer shack with a Coors neon sign in the window. An couple of old Ford pickups are parked in the dusty parking lot, next to a half-dozen Harley Davidsons and some hot-rods.

You slow down, pull into the nearest spot, and turn off the engine.

What kind of music do you hear wafting through the air? This is what I’m looking for.

Suggestions, please.

I found my first grey hair yesterday.

I was looking at how bushy and out of control my sideburns were when I noticed a hair that looked out of place. It was way too lightly-colored to be one of my dark-beardy hairs. Upon closer examination it looked to be grey.

My heart began to thump in my chest.

“What the FUCK!” I said aloud, startling the other men in the Comcast restroom.

I got a little closer to the mirror and began to run the hair between my thumb and forefinger, thinking there may be something on it… yeah, it’s dirty, that’s it.

A sincere sense of dread came over me as I pondered this milestone in my life. Does this mean that I’m officially old? I mean, I’m going to be 36 later this month, and I knew I was getting up there. But with the appearance of this fucking grey hair I’m afraid that I might be over the hill.

I panicked.

So I plucked the fucking thing out. I held it closer to my eye to make sure that it was, indeed, a motherfucking cocksucking grey hair.

I spent the next hour examining the hair in different shades of light. I took it outside to look at it in the sun. I held it close to my computer monitor. Next to my cell phone’s LCD light. Next the window on the other side of the building. Under the light on my desk. In the break room.

I showed it to my co-workers, who promptly laughed at me. I showed it to Miriam, who also laughed at me.

Sigh.

This thing has really affected me. I’ve been fighting some irrational thoughts since yesterday. For example, I want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane now. I want to parachute. I also want to buy a motorcycle and ride it way too fast for my own good. And I’ve considered buying various dyes for my hair and beard.

Bah, what’s the matter with me?

Grey is supposed to be distinguished, or something, right? Right? RIGHT?

“I will get by, I will survive”