jagermeister

at market recently, meandering through liquor isle, trying not to think about that thing that everyone is dealing with
saw bottle of jager, brings back memories, of my 20s
shots after bartending shift at Moose’s
sitting at legends on 2nd st in belmont shore with a friend after work, taking shots and pounding beers
beatdown LAN parties and double shots with Bastard
how long has it been?
ran through last 20 years of my life
moved back to hayward at 29, no
lived in chico, no, i was in my rum phase
moved back to hayward again, no
brentwood vacaville manteca reno no no no no
wow
has it been that long?
had to buy it
got home, put in freezer, but couldn’t wait
one shot, pak9 aww yeah!
come back later for another shot
let linger on tongue, remember the good ol’ days
and another, and another
and the next night, and the next
good ol jager, now it’s gone
thinking about my next bottle

Merry Christmas, Everyone

When I was a kid I remember hanging ornaments on the Christmas tree. I remember going to my grandmother’s house and hanging a few ornaments before going to play with my cousins. And I remember the gigantic Christmas trees at my parents house–and the DAYS that it would take to hang all the ornaments on the tree…and my mother never left an ornament in the box.

I remember working for hours, just me and my mom, hanging those old ornaments on our tree. I remember the old boxes that they came in, and the old boxes that the old boxes were stored in.

We kept the ornaments under the house, in storage, all year long, until Christmas time. We would have to move all the other stuff out of the way until we got to the Christmas boxes, and then it would take FOREVER (forever, it seemed, to a little boy) FOREVER, I tell you, to bring all those Christmas boxes of decorations and ornaments upstairs.

I remember the little mice ornaments that my mom made out of walnut shells and felt fabric. And the delicate glass ornaments that looked like bells and tops. I remember the ones that used to hang on nana’s tree, and then my mom’s tree.

And now they hang on my tree.

My mom died almost 14 years ago. And for the years afterwards all those Christmas tree ornaments lie dormant in cold storage under the house, unused, but not forgotten, at least not by me. And last year when my dad had decided to sell the old house and move up here to Reno he asked me if I wanted anything. Yes, I told him, I want all of mom’s Christmas ornaments.

Some of these Christmas ornaments must be getting close to 100 years old. The boxes that they are stored in sure look it. Faded, wrinkled, old cardboard boxes, no plastic, glass ornaments, hand-painted, and made in America by American workers. I have Nana’s old Nativity scene too.

These items are priceless, to me. They are my family’s legacy. The Culbertson-Lindsey side of the family, my mom’s family. Last year, and this year, I hang these heirlooms on my tree and I remember almost every single one of them from my childhood. I’m so happy that I have them. And yet it makes me kinda sad. I miss my mom. I miss my nana. I miss the good people in my life.

This year I look at all these precious decorations and I wonder: what will happen to this stuff when I am gone? I hope I can find a good home for them before then…