OK, I’m ready

“OK, I’m ready,” Yum announces, as she moves swiftly from one room to the other.

“Oh shit!” I think. I’m sitting on the couch in my old t-shirt and boxers. If Yum is ready to go, I’d better get dressed quickly.

Which I do, indeed.

One pair of shorts and some flipflops later I’m shoving my wallet and cellphone into my pockets and walking out the door with my keys.

Now outside, I turn to put my key in the door. Except… where is Yum?

I take a step inside and look around. I don’t see Yum. It was then that I heard it.

The sound of running water. And then the shower flowing.

What the fuck?

Perplexed, I step back inside to see what’s going on. I make my way to the bathroom and find that Yum is taking a shower.

Wait. Didn’t she just tell me she was ready?

Sigh. I should know better.

When Yum says that she’s ready what she REALLY means is that she’s ready to start THINKING about getting ready.

Yum might announce that she’s ready 3 different times in 30 minutes. None of these announcements actually mean that she’s ready to go. Each announcement of “I’m ready” is accompanied by a shower, getting dressed, and/or putting on makeup. But none of them actually mean that she’s ready to walk out the door.

On the other hand, when *I* say “I’m ready” it’s because I’m actually ready. I’ve showered, dressed, grabbed the essentials, put on my shoes, keys in hand. When I say “I’m ready”, I’m walking out the door.

Sadly, I’ve fallen for “I’m ready” many times. I’ll be standing outside the front door, keys in hand, personally actually ready to go, and I’ll hear the blow dryer in the other room.

So from now on, whenever Yum says “I’m ready” I’ll believe it when I see it. Until I see her walking out the door I’ll remain on the couch in my boxers, watching TV, and drinking a beer.

“OK, I’m ready!”

Uh huh. Sure, babe.

One year free of grains and refined sugars

It’s been over a year since my lifestyle makeover, so it’s time for some updates and some thoughts on my experiences.

I never thought I would feel healthy again. I never thought I would feel good again. But I do. It’s amazing. Giving up grains and refined sugars was the best thing I’ve ever done for my health.

I’ve lost over 60 pounds, despite conventional wisdom. I don’t exercise any more now than I ever have. I’m as active as ever. I walk daily, hike hunt and fish in my spare time. I have never counted calories, measured portions, or starved myself.

All my unpleasant digestive issues are gone, and have been gone for a really long time. I’m off all my medications. No more heartburn, GERD, acid reflux, bloating, gas, burping, IBS, etc. No more proton pump inhibitors, Prilosec, Tums, or Pepto Bismol.

My blood sugar levels are consistently in the normal range. In the last six months I’ve rarely seen it over 100, and never over 109. Diabetic levels are over 125 (12 hour fast) and 200 after eating. Pretty easy to do when you don’t eat foods that spike your blood sugar, like grains and refined sugars!

My clothes fit better now, actually they are baggy. At some point I should buy new clothes, but I’m still losing weight. So that will have to wait a bit longer.

For the first time in my life I didn’t gain a single pound over the holidays. In the past I have typically gained anywhere from 10-20 pounds in the October-January timeframe. This year, zilch.

I’m still not hungry in the morning, so I don’t eat breakfast. However, I do drink coffee with heavy cream.

For lunch I eat stuff like bacon double cheeseburgers without the bun, piles of meat at Chipotle, assorted Italian cheese and cured meats, leftover steak and chicken from the night before.

Dinners vary, but are always heavy on the meat and vegetables.

If I’m craving something sweet after dinner I’ll have a bowl of berries and heavy cream.

I turned 40 last month. Feels weird to be 40. Two years ago I was sure I’d be 400 pounds by my 40th birthday and miserable. Boy was I wrong! I weigh less than 300 pounds for the first time in over 10 years and I feel healthy.

Life is good. I can’t complain =)

PS: fuck you, gluten. You made my life miserable for years. Never again!

Another company to avoid

Heard of SOPA? It’s the Stop Online Piracy Act.

Basically it’s punitive legislation that would effectively end the Internet as we know it. It would allow copyright holders to go after website owners for any infraction.

It might sound like a good idea, but what about this scenario? Let’s say I run a large website with billions of users, something like YouTube. I can’t possibly police a billion people. Now let’s say that one of my users uploads a webcam video diary with Miley Cyrus’ Party In the USA playing in the background. Miley Cyrus can now sue *ME* for copyright infringement. I’ve got nothing to do with this, I just run a website. Ms Cyrus should be going after the user who uploaded the video.

That’s SOPA. It’s a poorly written law being debated in Congress right now. If this thing passes, the Internet shuts down.

One of the many companies that supports SOPA is the web hosting and domain name registrar GoDaddy! There are many reasons to hate GoDaddy! So not only does GD support SOPA, they also helped write it. This was enough for me to cancel my GD services and find a new web host.

There was a bit of downtime yesterday as I moved things over to HostGator but everything seems to be running smoothly now.

If you use GoDaddy! for anything, please consider moving to a new registrar or web hosting company.

Now that I’ve gotten that done I can start writing my Congressman (Jerry McNerney, Democrat, California’s 11th district) to let him know how I feel about SOPA.

Who’s your congressman?