I was thinking about stuff on the way home from school today while practicing my breathing and relaxation techniques.

I’m ready to start dating again.

Since Cindy left me (it will be four years in September) I have had no desire to date. I haven’t wanted a girlfriend, a relationship, none of that stuff. I’ve been completely unreceptive. I’ve been emotionally unavailable.

I’ve had some ladyfriends here in Chico however. Nobody special though. Just women that I know I can call late at night and they’ll come over. No dinners, no dancing, no coffee, no strings. Since I moved to Chico two years ago that’s all I’ve wanted.

But now Tom Bissell is on the verge of re-entering society. I’m graduating in May and I’m oh-so-very-much excited. I’m looking forward to working again. I’m looking forward to contributing to the economy again.

Along with my desire to function like a normal working adult comes my desire to be in a relationship with a nice girl. It’s a good feeling.

I am sooo ready to leave this town.

One day closer to graduating…

I find myself looking more carefully at things in Chico–the leafless trees, the very green grasses, the brick buildings, everything. I want to remember this place. Every bar, every street, every tree, everything.

I know I have to leave.

I’d really like to make some friends my own age. In the last two year the vast majority of people I’ve met were between the ages of 18 and 23. College students they were, just like me, only I’m ten years older. Their youth and vitality energize me, in spite of the fact that I cannot relate to them. I want to live in a place where I’m able to interact with adults closer in my age. I’m ready to leave.

I’ll miss the beautiful pine trees and the perfect Sierra trout streams 30 minutes from Chico. I’ll miss going for walks in the forest with my firearms. I’ll miss exploring Bidwell Park. I’ll miss swimming in Butte Creek.

I’m really going to miss Chico. But I know it’s time for me to go.