Monthly Archives: April 2004

How to skate through college

“There will be a test in two weeks; this will be an essay test,” announced my History of Mexico professor. “The test will cover all of Paul Garner’s book, Porfirio Diaz: Profiles in Power.”

Yeah yeah, uh huh. I yawned and stretched in my most uncomfortable seat in the back of the classroom. I liked it back here, in the back row. I can remain anonymous. And I get to check out every girl in the room.

“I will ask you two questions on the test, but you only have to respond to one. Now let’s begin today’s lecture…”

OK, you’ve got two weeks to read a book you should have already finished by now. However, the author sucks, it is quite boring, and you just can’t bring yourself to read through it. I mean, it’s not like I haven’t tried–I have!

So I’ve got two weeks left to read this book. Do you think I started my reading early? Of course I didn’t. I waited until the day before the exam.

Deep breath. OK. I start out with my pencil and highlighter. I make notes in the margins as I read. I highlight the key phrases and paragraphs. OK I’m doing good. Jesus this guy is boring. The last author was so much better, I couldn’t put the book down.

Then my mind starts to wander. I’m thinking about that girl I met at the gym. Hey she was pretty cool. Ah shit, what did I just read?

I scroll up the page and realize I haven’t retained half of what I just read. So I start over, from the top and begin to read again.

“The summary execution of political oponents in Veracruz attracted only limited comment in the contemporary press.”

I wonder how Monica’s doing? The pictures of her baby are so cute! I loved the one she sent me last week. Adam, her son, was sleeping. He had his right hand up beside his face. Monica had arranged his fingers so that he was flipping the camera the bird. “Starting him off early” she put at the bottom of the page. Ah shit, what did I just read?

Scroll up the page. I’ve daydreamed through at least half of it, so I start over, again, from the top.

“The summary execution of political oponents in Veracruz…” Oh fuck it, I can’t read this.

So I look in the table of contents. Oh hey look, each chapter has a short, one page conclusion/review at the end. I’ll just read that.

30 minutes later, I’m done with the book. I go to my favorite bar, Joe’s, and have a bloody mary. I watch ESPN and flirt with my favorite bartendress. I eat peanuts in the shell, and throw the husks on the sawdust ridden floor. Can I have some green olives please Holly? Love ya hon.

The next day I show up to class. I take my exam and bullshit my way through the entire essay.

Two more weeks pass, which brings us to today. I got my exam back.

B+

Thanks.

I’m perfectly happy with B’s and the occasional A. Even the occasional C doesn’t bother me. I’ve got much better things to do than worry about things like grades. Like drink bloody marys and flirt with bartendresses.

In fact, I think I’ll go to Joe’s right now.

Fun with web design

Well, I added some code to the website. The picture in the upper left corner will be different randomly each time you vist, or refresh. Man, somebody should pay me to do this kind of stuff.

Santa Barbara

Their room was on the top floor of the historic old hotel. Hardwood with scratches and gouges here and there from years of use and abuse decorated the floor. A canopy hung over the bed made of long, wispy, ghost-white sheets. From the two, huge bay windows hung thick, white cotton drapes that fluttered in the wind and dragged on the floor.

She slept quietly next to him, and peacefully. And now his heart fluttered, the feeling one gets only when you’re young and don’t know better. He had fallen for her, and loved her completely. It was a dangerous love, the kind that left you vulnerable. But he didn’t care about that now. That time had passed.

He propped himself up on one elbow, and carefully turned on his side, facing her. In the pale moonlight shining through the windows he watched her sleep. A cool ocean breeze drifted through the room, lingering for a moment before meandering on. He wanted this moment to last forever.

He turned his gaze out towards the cobalt sea, and sighed deeply. Between the breeze and the pounding surf he could hear her breathing softly. He closed his eyes and etched this moment in time, deep in his memory. Outside the surf pounded on the reef, and hissed as it raced up the sandy shoreline and dragged back over the shoals. Occasionally a heavy wave would break, and he could feel it in his chest.

For so long he had tried to resist, to hold back his feelings, to deny them. She was his drug and he was an addict. Her presence tugged at his soul, drawing him closer, enveloping him. Her power and charm swept him away, and in the end he gave in.

He looked upon her now, once again. She slept on her stomach, arms folded over her head and under her fluffy pillows. Her bare skin glowed in the moonlight; her long, curly locks of hair rustled gently in the breeze. She smelled sweet, and it captivated him. He laid still for a long while, watching her back slowly rise and fall as she breathed. Then, very gently, he reached out with his left hand and caressed her hair.

The cool, December air flowed into the room, and she shivered. Very carefully he pulled the soft, knit blanket up to her shoulders. His heart ached with love for this woman. “I love you,” he almost whispered. Almost.